Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
