We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
