After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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