i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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