go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
