i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
