Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
