my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
