Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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