Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
