Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
