i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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