just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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