just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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