Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
