when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
