Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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