when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
