I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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