I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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