I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
