soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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