no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
is it fun? or sober?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
