i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
