It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
