Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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