Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
