How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
