Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
