so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
