its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
