Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
