I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
did i just pee glitter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
