I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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