man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
