ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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