dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
