Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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