she looked like the before picture.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
