Just fell off a train. Bad.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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