yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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