Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
