Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
