I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
