i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
