Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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