Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
