well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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