a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
