shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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