Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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