But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
