so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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