her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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