I'm really into asian looking animals
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
