There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
