I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize