i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
