but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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