started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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