She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
