Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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