Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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