I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
