I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
