dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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