Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
