I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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