Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
