tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
