i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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