listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize