I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
