He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
