I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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