I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
