Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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