Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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