I have demons in me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
