Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
