i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
