you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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