you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
