I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
as a side note pls kill me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
